Ha - no, thats not a joke title - its the actual name of a race.
Quality!!!
This Sunday saw young Allan Mill and myself head up to 'the back of'
deepest, darkest sheep shagging country. AA website said to do 100
miles from Burntisland to Aberdeen via the Cairn O Mount road (south
of me Uncles house at Banchory) would take 3 hours 9mins. We got there
in 1 hour 55. I was bombing down the 2 mile 1:7 like Colin Mcrae on
speed. Millsy took his hands away from his face to ask 'You DO know
this descent, don't you??'
I just nodded as I went 60mph round a blind bend on wrong side of road. :)
So we got there early and had plenty time for a warm up - for a
change. The days of old of me riding to every race are long gone since
! discovered Henry T Fords invention. So turning up and riding out the
car park for a wazz, then lining up for the start like we did at the
super 6 earlier this month is a bit of a shock to the system!
We pedalled out to the finish hill, but what I didn't realise was that
it was 4miles there and back... we got to the start line after an 8
mile warm up wi just 5mins to spare.
Flag dropped, I attacked. This last week was supposed to be a hard,
heavy weeks training. But cos i got blind drunk and went to bed at 3am
after the Knockhill time trial, i ended up with a sore throat come the
monda. So with zero miles and nee training for 6 days leading up to
the Dickie Lang Lizard I was decided to beast meself for the full 60miles.
I got pulled back, and a small group of 4 or 5 went clear, including
the boy, Mill. Fair play to him I thought. I was near the front of the
bunch but the 9 million pedalpower riders all split off the front and
got away.
I looked up and some tart let the wheels go. Panic stations!!! One of
the moments when, if you don't get across to that move, its game over.
So i hammered round two or three guys who were in reverse gear. And
buried myself for about a mile. Phew. Made it!
the two groups merged and we were about 10 strong. Millsy was half way
up the line and big Gordon Murdoch and others were shouting to work.
Hell no! Yeee's have got 17 riders - yee friggin work, pal (I know -
17 into 10 doesnt go!)
Now, here's the solution I have for Millsy - I can bully him into
staying sheltered etc and not attacking, but when i ain't near him then
it ain't gonna work! All the Pedalpowerpussies have race radios - i
kid you not!!! To hell wi gaybo radio's - I reckon I need to perfect
some kind of telepathic connection so i can 'speak' to Allan and read
his next move, cos no sooner had he NOT read my thoughts of 'don't do
it - just sit in' then he did a turn or two and got punted out the back!!
What happened next was so comical you couldn't make it up. There was
about 6 or 7 powder puffs, and me, Raymundo Wilson and Stevie Dunn
from Falkirk as the only infiltrators.
Well, naturally us boyo's weren't gonna work! So big Gordon and another
one or two of em shouts 'If you don't work guys, we're gonna start
attacking yer' and 'right - this is your last warning or we'll attack'
Who do they think they were? Panasonic?? Mapei-GB?? Of course, I
couldn't resist a (puts on a girlie voice....actually it was me normal
voice, except I'd sat down too fast on last hill and trapped a
testicle) "Oooohhh the pedal powers are gonna attack us - we're sooooo
SCARED''
Ray Wilson nearly fell off the bike for laughin so hard.
and so it started, repeated stupid, negative tactic, attacking. I got
taken out the back by two of em and I COULD have bridged back across, but
hesitated and thought 'Whats the point' Their loss, I thought. How
such riding is gonna prepare them for the absolute doing they are gonna get in
the Girvan is beyond me!
bunch caught us up, and last weeks superstar second place at Knockhill
- Phil Broon - lead, and single handedly decimated the bunch on a ten
minute stint that almost caught the break.
He didnt though but the bunch more than halved. Allan was no-where to
be seen. On half distance, McGarrity, Brown and another guy slipped
away and I missed it because I'd been too far back like a reet tit. We
never seen them again, so we were then riding for what turned out to
be 10th place.
with about 25miles to go, I thought I'd be as well making a race of it
and repeatedly attacked until the two remaining pedal puffs couldn't
pull me back anymore.
I got off with Paul Mcinally and Steve Cassells (by 'got off' I mean
got off the front - I wasnt snoggin them or nowt!) we plugged away
for ten lumpy, windy, miles before we got caught with about 8miles to go.
I was happy hanging in, but again - what have I to prove by riding in
a group? Ive been doing bunch racing since the days when snickers were
called Marathons so....off I went again.
I attacked 4 times inside the last 5 miles...could have worked. but
didnt! :-p
so It came to a sprint. Millsy and me had reconnoitered said finish
already, and I'd commented on wind being headwind and from to the
right. So I'd advised him to sprint late and on left side of the bunch.
so there i was, yellow flag loomed into view and off I lead the
sprint, full bore, too big a gear and on right side of the road! I
imagined mesen as sprinting like the great Gianni Bugno once did, but
unfortunately it was more Joe Bugner the boxer and i only got 13th.
ah well - it was only training after all!
